Surrender Experienced as Ease

I remind myself as I head into a few months of heavy travel of my ongoing lesson of learning to surrender. I’m a planner with every idea of how I expect my travel to be and my life to unfold. I expect airlines to transport me on schedule and on time so I can catch connecting flights. I expect menu items in foreign countries to be served the way I interpreted the menu. Of course none of these things happens often. More often than not travel goes awry and my plans get turned upside down. But travel is trivial. I’ve been fortunate to have only a couple of big life crises, way fewer than some people I know. Any of these events offer lessons to surrender.

I cannot control everything and there are times that I need to let go of my expectation. One day I’ll remember that it is my response to the event that causes me more suffering than the event itself. My pattern is to struggle against the disappointing event and to make it right. I argue to make the other person see my perspective and change course. I argue with the airline ticket agent even though he has no authority to find another plane. But because I have no control over these circumstances my only real course of action is to surrender. Only after I finally surrender my struggle do I finally find ease and peace. The outcome might not be what I wanted but in the end what will happen will happen. I may as long go with it and accept the outcome.

I find hip openers to be a great way to work with surrender on my mat and I hope that practice there helps me to surrender to life circumstances out of my control. Of course my dear yoga students practiced lots of hip openers last week because that is what was on my mind. For most people eka pada rajakapotasana (pigeon pose) is an excellent example of surrendering into the pose. In this deep hip opener people often tense the muscles around the hip and pelvis rather than relaxing them. In fighting against the pose they feel the challenge of the hip external rotation opposing hip internal rotators that are tight from sitting much of the day. People often feel themselves further opposing the pose by tensing through the jaw, lips, shoulders, and other muscles nowhere near the hips. This week we practiced exhaling away that tension. We tried to stay with the pose by surrendering into it, feeling length in the hip muscles and ease with the result. If that is an easy lesson then try it in double pigeon pose (knee to ankle pose)!

Perhaps posting this blog will help me to surrender to travel snafus. Who knows how well I’ll implement my own recommendations to stay present and find ease by surrendering to the circumstances. I know I will try. May each of you find ease and peace as you let go and surrender to the challenges the holiday season brings.

Take Nothing too Seriously

What better day than Halloween to remember to make time for play? We often get caught up with all the responsibilities we have with our many roles at home and work. Even on the yoga mat we tend to be serious as we are mindfully moving body with the breath. But we aren’t going to solve the world’s problems by holding a difficult pose for 10 breaths. The best we can do is to be present as we attempt every pose we practice. We need to laugh and be silly when it doesn’t quite turn out as we expected. So this week we are finding more playfulness in our practice. It’s difficult to move from ardha chandrasana (half moon pose) to parivrtta ardha chandrasana (revolved half moon pose) and back again. It’s easy to fall out and it’s ok to laugh when we do! There is no reason to get upset about losing balance during the difficult transition. In today’s classes I’ve invited students to try to let the breath lead them through the transitions, but to be playful when they fall out.

Playfulness may also help us explore new expressions of poses we haven’t tried before. We may be more likely to try to grab our toe in vasisthasana (side plank pose) if we approach it with more silliness. A silly attitude gives us permission to not get it “right” whereas when we approach the pose with complete seriousness we may not even try to get into a pose. We have no way of knowing if we can even do the more advanced pose unless we take the risk and give it a try. Sometimes a little silliness helps lighten our mood and just give it a try.

If yoga isn’t about silliness, it is about the process without regard to the outcome. Vrschikasana (scorpion pose) is a difficult inversion. It isn’t a pose anyone will get into and hold the first time she tries. Approaching it with all seriousness might inhibit us to try the pose in the first place whereas accepting the practice as a process releases us to let go of the outcome and have fun trying.

I’ve used today’s yoga classes as examples, but anyone can substitute this week’s life challenges in place of parivritta ardha chandrasana, vasisthasana, or vrschikasana. The only way to develop personally and professionally is to try something new, slightly scary perhaps. And to take that first step often means letting go of expected outcome and just be playful!

Happy Halloween!

Finding Peace using the Breath

This is a busy time of year and the frenetic pace doesn’t always feel so peaceful. I’m often overloaded, busy with activities that are added into my already full schedule. It is easy to neglect myself during these busy days, but this is exactly when I need to find time to center and focus. This week I’ve invited yoga students to find peace using their breath.

Moving mindfully with the breath is always soothing and calming. But this week we have been working with prolonged and sustained exhales to accentuate the effect. Longer exhales slow the body and by doing that I always feel more peaceful. Prolonged exhales in sustained forward fold postures like eka pada rajakapotasana (pigeon pose), janu sirsasana (head to knee pose), and upavistha konasana (wide-angle seated forward fold pose) are especially effective to find peace within. Even as the muscles around the hips resist the stretch, long exhales help to dissolve the resistance. Prolonging the breath while stretching the hips and hamstring muscles teaches us that we can be still with the resistance, let go of the struggle, and come deeper into the pose. Being patient in the forward fold rewards us with more flexible muscles and a calmer demeanor. It is a lesson that we can use the breath as a tool when we find ourselves resisting insane schedules and communication challenges off the mat. Long exhales help to manage our regular life struggles.

Long exhales help me to embody one of my favorite quotes, “Peace: it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” (unknown) Whatever is going on around me, whatever challenges that come my way, my breath is always with me to locate that peaceful state.

Connectedness

I find comfort in remembering that all of us are connected to each other. It just feels good to think that each of us in the world has concerns, hopes, and dreams. Each of us wants to be loved and understood. We are all – the billions of us on this planet – are so much more alike than we are different.

But I can lose sight of this when I feel resistance, frustration, and anger. Where else does this happen more than at the airport. Yes, airport travel, when all my hard work on trying to be more open, loving, and mindful flies the coop. The TSA workers push my buttons, try my patience, and offer me the greatest opportunity to practice. I’m not often successful in being cool, calm, and collected there, though.

I know my practice is “working” however, because during my last TSA nightmare I was aware of losing my cool. I was able to take a deep breath and consider the TSA worker as just another person trying to navigate this world. I became witness to my building frustration and anger and replaced those feelings with a sense of interconnectedness with this person. I imagined that she was loved by someone and loved someone in return. She was likely struggling with some concern in her own life. Like me, she woke and showered and ate breakfast this morning. She looks forward to coming home to relax at the end of the day. She just needed to do this work to pay her bills and find some comfort in life.

As difficult as it was to find connectedness with this person, my enemy at the moment, I came to benefit from my new perspective. I felt the tension melt from my shoulders and jaw. I felt less restricted in my breathing. My own knots and difficulties were leaving me as I felt a more positive knot of oneness and connectedness. I softened internally and it was probably visible externally. She may have now perceived me less as an adversary and more at one with her as well.

I’m headed to the airport again next week. Hopefully I will recall last week’s experience and keep myself from being isolated from the people that seem separate from me. It will be another opportunity for me to recognize that the basis for my own anger and frustration is feeling separate and I can replace the negative feelings by feeling one with everything.

Checking in to Let Go

I just felt the tension – in the room and in my body. I was sitting in a business meeting that became more contentious than expected. Differing opinions were leading to terse words. The discussion was going nowhere because few people were listening. Hidden agendas became slightly less hidden, still subtle, but becoming more obvious. Overall the feeling was icky to me.

I found myself clinging to attachment to the outcome of the discussion. I became focused on finding the words and strategy to affect the outcome. Finally, mindfulness practice kicked back in. I turned inward to observe. I felt the tension through a clenched jaw. My shoulders were tight and elevated. I observed longer and noticed my breath was shallow as the tension and clinging seemed to tighten around my torso.

Observing the clinging through physical aspects of my body led to the second part of mindfulness practice: letting go. “Soften,” I thought to myself as I exhaled away tension in my jaw.  “Let go,” I told myself as I released tension in my shoulders and let go of my attachment to the outcome of the discussion. I lengthened the duration of my exhales. “Let go.”

I worked internally on letting go of my attachment to the meeting outcome as I breathed mindfully, lengthening my exhales. The meeting continued. I listened as an observer, without judgment. I felt better for releasing the tension and letting go of the struggle. I felt better for recognizing that there are things I cannot control. Mindfulness practice helped me to recognize that in the end the outcome will unfold as it needs to. I contributed to the discussion and can let go of emotion, tension, and clinging to the outcome.